another step to citizenship in the books and some unpleasant thoughts.

i got up today, showered, ate breakfast and then the ics worker came to my place before fredrick and i went to the uscis office in st. paul (i think). fredrick was correct when he said that all he had to do was take a picture and get fingerprints (although i'm PRETTY SURE i don't remember having to take fingerprints). the place wasn't busy and there weren't any police or guards there. sorry to disappoint certain family members with having to deal with my shit as if they're responsible for me (which in NO WAY they are, if they're supposed to be). i'm in this country until the nazi-wanna be piece of shit excuse of a "president" tries to kick me out again. i didn't get a book about the naturalization test they're giving fredrick said because he figures that he's gotta go through a different cycle than i do because i was naturalized when i was young- which makes sense. i'm sure i could've passed it though- my intelligence surprises me sometimes. don't get the idea that i'm just sweepin this shit under the rug either though, mom. YOU were in charge of making sure my citizenship was VALID. NOT my dad (he's dead and was in mexico a lot of my life). NOT grandma. YOU because i AM regretably YOUR daughter. can't put me in front of my dad to use me as a shield to protect you from these responsibilities. so don't even think about calling me to bitch about things anymore- i'm either not gonna answer the phone or hang up on you when i figure out it's you because I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT. i have too many other things to be concerned with. you shouldn't really care though because you obviously didn't care about me enough to protect me from getting caught in the crosshairs of my dad's anger towards you when he hit and kicked you. i'm done with you. i was actually considering not writing in my blog again after i went to uscis but then i figured you shouldn't have control over what i do and don't do to help me vent out my problems and attempt to stay psychologically sane. you're just you. you don't have anything better to do with your time besides read your own daughter's blog- HOPING that she's going through worse shit than yourself (MOST if not ALL created by YOU), so you can feel better about your own shameful life. i don't blame me for a second. i'm NOT your mom or therapist to try to help you get better. my dad already met his punishment with death.. i have a feeling that God is just dragging your sad ass life on so you can continue to suffer. good idea God, however i don't really like the fact that she's left here to still attempt to drag me down to her level by trying to make her clinginess appear as "caring" when ALL she's doing is pushing me further away and giving me the desire to never want to associate with her again. HEY! YOU GOT ANOTHER DAUGHTER TO HOLD UP TO TRY TO PROTECT YOU FROM LIFE KICKING YOUR ASS! i was wondering why EXACTLY she never used amy (my sister) as a shield to protect her while amy's dad kicked her ass (which he ALWAYS used to when i was younger- i remember hiding under the bed with my brother jay while he was hitting her, we called my grandpa to come into town a few times to stop my sister's dad from kicking my mom's ass- not even a TBI can erase THAT memory outta my head).. hm, could it possibly be because she cares MORE for amy than stupid old stacy? could be. WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.